It dies because I am. So. Tired. Of the pressure. Of the incessant chatter of tv personalities and social commentators saying “good for them!” “Anyone who is mad is just jealous” “what’s your excuse?” “these women are terrible mothers” “these women are selfish” etc etc.
It dies because it is another of an endless list of examples of media judging a women’s worth on her body. These people don’t care if this mom is happy, if she is healthy, if she is a good mom. They care that she lost the weight SOOO fast. Because that, folks, is something to be proud of. Or something to be ashamed of, depending on who you ask.
Why why why do we women buy into this?? Why do we wage wars at each other? Judging each other for not losing the weight fast enough or for losing it too fast. For not caring enough or for caring too much.
It makes me so angry, so personally angry because I have been there. I anticipated with a nervous excitement how “quick” my weight loss would be after my daughter was born. I remember a deep sense of shame that at six weeks postpartum, I was nowhere near ready for a bikini. A deep sense of shame when some of my friends didn’t comment on the way I looked after my daughter was born because I assumed that meant I did bad. I was ugly. I was fat.
When people I didn’t know found out I had a baby and gasped, telling me how amazing I looked, that everyone must hate me, I felt so good about myself. I probably literally glowed when I heard those comments. Because at that time, that was all I was being fed. Lose the weight lose the weight lose the weight and everyone will be jealous! You will be BETTER than everyone else who has had a baby and didn’t lose it as fast as you.
I am so angry because I wasted several months of my life believing that crap. Instead of spending time bonding with my sweet baby, taking a nap, taking a bath, reading, growing my mind, filling my soul, I cared only about my body. I am angry that the media told me this is how I should feel, and much more angry that I believed it.
I am angry because I have seen other women struggle with these feelings. With believing that a compliment about your pants size is the ultimate compliment after giving birth. I have seen women I love beat themselves up over the way they look, hate each other for their weight “success” stories.
Women – we are so. Much. More. Than. Our. Bodies. So much more than how fast we drop our baby weight.