Here’s the deal. Some recently high profile cheating rumors involving celebrity husbands and nannies have been circulating, as they do. Its so cliché, and I recognize that’s why there gets to be “humorous” articles like “15 Ways To Keep Your Husband From Banging The Nanny”, which is unfortunate for a number of reasons. Maybe my humor meter is broken today, but I’m feeling particularly irritated.
It is almost inevitable when the topic of hiring a nanny comes up to hear the half joking, half dead serious advice to never hire an attractive nanny. Reason being, this beautiful woman will lure your husband away and cause him to cheat. Underlying this belief are several assumptions. Two of the most prominent being: A) Assuming all beautiful women are interested in husband stealing and B) Assuming all men are unable to resist the efforts of a beautiful woman.
All Beautiful Women Are Interested In Husband Stealing
Just, no. Of course there are women who are interested in “husband stealing” and yes, some of them may be beautiful. Just as of course there are some men who are interested in sleeping with married women (which, ironically I have never heard referred to as “wife stealing”) and some of them are attractive. But making the blanket assumption that all attractive women will be trying to steal your husband is just, frankly, embarrassing to believe. And unfair. And perpetuates the cultural battle between women based solely on the premise that whoever gets a husband “wins” and that there isn’t enough love to go around. I feel like there are a few reality shows out there that may follow this story line …
All Men Are Unable To Resist Beautiful Women
This one drives me freaking crazy. When I wrote about yoga pants and dress codes in schools and how ridiculous it is to assume males cannot control themselves around a woman they find sexually attractive, I was not prepared for all of the comments I got from mothers of sons all the way to middle aged men who were absolutely furious that I would suggest a male is capable of controlling himself in the face of being sexually attracted to a female body. These men and women passionately argued that males were literally powerless against the female body and it was the responsibility of women to keep them from being tempted.
THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM.
I hope we can all clearly see this is a huge fucking problem.
This line of thinking is not funny and its not cute. Its downright dangerous. When we teach boys and men that they are powerless against their sexual desires, when we teach them that they are not responsible for their actions if a woman is dressed in a way he finds arousing, when we write articles about “protecting” our husbands from all those slutty nannies out there, WE ALL FUCKING LOSE.
Every last one of us.
Men lose because we paint them with the brush of being weak and having no self-control. They get to live in a culture that expects them to fuck up. One where they are expected to ruin their marriages, to not be capable of concentrating at work or school, all due to being in close physical proximity to a vagina.
And women lose. We lose because the burden of saving these men from themselves falls on our shoulders. If we aren’t sexy enough, we will lose our husbands to someone sexier, because they can’t help it. If we are too sexy, we are just asking to be disrespected because men can’t control themselves.
Both men and women cheat. Both married and single people participate in affairs. An affair cannot happen without two willing parties. If we want to continue living in a culture where articles like “15 Ways To Keep Your Husband From Banging The Nanny” are cute and necessary social commentary, then I suggest we keep right on doing what we are doing now, raising boys who are taught they are powerless against women’s sexuality and girls who are taught that every other woman is a potential enemy, ready to steal her weak husband at a moment’s notice.
But if instead we want to live in a culture where articles like “15 Ways To Keep Your Husband From Banging The Nanny” aren’t so commonplace, maybe we could start by teaching our children that regardless of the gender, clothing, race, socioeconomic status, or religion, all human beings deserve respect and all human beings are capable of self-control (and it not, they need to receive professional help). I think we’d all be better off for it.
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