Yesterday morning my daughter woke up sick with a fever and sore throat. It seemed like just the right timing because we had all been well for several weeks straight and that is pretty much a record in our house during the school year. Alas, I realized this meant that she was going to miss her preschool Halloween party, which was today.
Why did I know she was going to miss it, you ask? Well, thank you for asking. I knew she was going to miss her Halloween party because I knew no matter how much better she felt the next day she wouldn’t be fever free for 24 hours before Monday morning. Oh, you didn’t know about that rule? Yeah, apparently neither does any other parent alive because EVERYONE SEEMS TO BRING THEIR SICK KIDS EVERYWHERE. Do I want praise for following the rules? Do I want people to recognize that I am such a good parent for it? YES I DO. AND ALSO IF YOU COULD STOP BRINGING YOUR DEATHLY ILL CHILDREN TO EVERYWHERE THAT WOULD BE GREAT TOO.
Anyway, I felt bad for her, because she has missed a lot of fun school stuff because she has been sick. I decided I would throw her a Halloween party at home instead. My mom joined the efforts and went above and beyond to make the kids actual Halloween gift baskets with candy, stickers, glow sticks, balloons, toys, Halloween cups and plates, etc.
Also to be honest I was a little sad she wasn’t going to her party because I totally kicked ass at my party contribution this year. Background on me – I am the mom who wants to sign up for the LEAST CREATIVE/LEAST CHOICE-Y/LEAST TIME CONSUMING THING POSSIBLE. I am your girl for plates, sprinkles, napkins, Ziploc bags. But this year I got “prizes” which is not traditionally ideal for me, especially as the mom who literally wants to do the bare minimum. Yes I realize other moms work 82 hours a week at their job or have 13 kids and still can find time and joy in their hearts to hand-craft one of a kind monster cookies that look like each child in the class but unfortunately for my kids and their classmates I am not that mom and I do not have those kinds of energy reserves. What are you other moms doing to get that energy? DO NOT SAY EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL LOSE IT. I want to hear its cocaine. Then at least I can feel high and mighty that I am drug free. I get exhausted and throw my own tantrums every day just making my kids lunch, so HOW ARE YOU DOING ALL THIS.
But this year I was the “above and beyond” mom. I was practicing saying “Oh its just fun, I just like doing it!” when complimented on my great prizes (ok, yes I know other moms aren’t going to even know what prizes I sent but I was practicing in my head. Also its possible they thought my prizes were super lame. I don’t let my mind go there or I would be socially frozen and terrorized. Hypothetically). “Oh its just fun, I just like doing it!” – I learned that line from watching other moms who are better than me and know it but want to come off humble when they are bragging and shoving their talent and general all-star mom-ness in my face. And yes its possible they mean it but that would mean they are a kind AND talented All-Star Mom and frankly I don’t think God is that cruel to give one person all of that and me none of it.
So my mom gets here today and I’m already at Stage 3 Detaching From Reality because the kids are A TREAT today. She presents the gorgeous, thoughtful gift baskets and let’s just say it didn’t go as planned. In my head I envisioned a downstairs glow-in-the-dark dance party with Monster Mash playing on Pandora where we danced around and laughed and bopped glow-in-the-dark balloons and ate treats sporadically and crafted with our cute new stickers and Gia would fall into my arms and say, “This was WAY better than school, mom!” And I would post a cool glow-in-the-dark picture to Instagram about how we roll with the punches in this family, and look at how good we are at making the best of a sort of bummer-ish situation!
So that, uh, didn’t happen, as you may have guessed.
I mean it wasn’t like one kid threw the other into a table and got stitches or anything terrible, just a lot of fighting between kids and stealing of each other’s things and tantrums because they wanted MORE CANDY and not wanting to engage in my mental imagery of the perfect at home preschool Halloween party. And not to mention, zero Instagram worthy moments (not that I didn’t try to force them on my children, because you better believe I did). Just that.
I needed to ZEN OUT for a minute (or like a year?) at naptime, so I popped on a meditation in my headphones and tried to clear my mind. At some point I began to feel my consciousness noticing something …. Loud-ish? A sound that was breaking my mind away from my meditation. I tried to ignore it, and then a few minutes later, there it was again.
And that’s when I realized what that sound was that was annoying me so much.
It was me. Snoring.
Cheers to Monday friends! And let’s do it all again tomorrow!