But I created this blog to write about what I want and to be more honest and authentic. I also created it for its therapeutic value for me. So today I decided, I’m just going to do it, uncensored. So I did. And I read it and it was everything I really mean deep in my heart. There was so so much anger. I like to try and understand what emotion I am really feeling, and often anger is a cover-up for hurt. And I guess that makes sense here. I am going to fully disclose something before I begin.
My issues with religion run very deep and years old. I am a former church member who was unable to reconcile the judgment and hatred and fear I was taught with what in my heart I felt was a truly loving spiritual power. It breaks my heart to think that people are being taught what I was taught. I thank God that I recognized it didn’t sit right in my heart. So full disclosure – I have been personally hurt by religion, by a specific church. At a young and impressionable age.
I believe there are times to be silent and let people come to their own conclusions. I believe there are times we need to have compassion for others and where they are at in their own lives and recognize that a struggle with deep issues is a struggle that will at times cause people to question their core beliefs. I also believe there are times we need to come out and speak our minds and stand up for each other, regardless of the repercussions. This is my stand up, speak up time.
I have written this post a thousand times in my mind. I wrote it after I watched Pastor Vern’s sermon on gay marriage on the Harvest Church website. I wrote it after that whole Duck Dynasty fiasco. I wrote it after seeing posts on Facebook about how “Just because I don’t agree with your “lifestyle” [those are MY quotation marks, folks] doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.” And now I have to really write it. Arizona put me over the edge.
Everything I’m about to write has been written before. It still won’t change some people’ minds. This is about me getting out my anger. Because I am really, really mad. You have been warned.
I hate the “lifestyle” comment. “I don’t have to agree with your lifestyle.” LIFESTYLE. How many gay people do you know who woke up one morning and said, “You know what sounds like an awesome lifestyle? Being gay. I’m going to be that.” This comment implies that the individual is “choosing” to be gay. You know, how you “decided” to be straight? Oh you didn’t wake up one morning and pick who you would be sexually attracted to? I want to send these people to a class on Human Sexuality. Or just on diversity in general. Then I think about it and realize that doesn’t matter. If you are going to hide behind a book written by men thousands of years ago to justify telling another human being they are going to rot in eternal hell unless they change who they were born as, the research of many well-educated, intelligent scholars is not going to make you budge. I know that is mean and judgmental of me to say. Its not right to insult someone’s intelligence. You know what else isn’t right? Passing legislation saying I can deny service to a person because I think he or she is a complete idiot. I don’t agree with YOUR “LIFESTYLE” of being ignorant. But I still have to order sandwiches standing next to you.
I cannot wrap my mind around looking into the eyes of my daughter, my best friend, or my brother and saying the words OUT LOUD “You don’t deserve the same rights/privileges as me. I deserve to be able to have a wedding, call my spouse my husband and all the rights that come with that, but you don’t.” Because that is what you are saying by being against gay marriage or the gay “LIFESTYLE”. That another human being doesn’t deserve what you do. There isn’t a way to sugarcoat this into being “Godly”. You are saying you deserve more/better than another human. Not because you worked harder or are a better person. Because you were born with a sexual attraction to the opposite sex instead of the same one.
Above all, I cannot understand how a couple wanting to do something OUT OF LOVE can incite such strong feelings of opposition from a “loving” religion. I cannot understand the churches that take it as a personal crusade to “fight” against this “sin”. Who devote time and energy and political power into justifying their stance on this specific issue. You are fighting LOVE?? Good for you for saving people from the most wonderful, spiritual part of life. I’m glad you can sleep well at night knowing you did your darndest to prevent people from practicing LOVE, the thing the Bible preaches over and over. Part of me wants to show compassion to people who feel God is against gay marriage. I know my personal opinion isn’t going to change your mind, but I just feel sorry for people who believe this. It strikes me as incredibly sad.
I fully recognize that there are truly loving churches out there and that some of the LOUDER voices get heard more easily and give a bad name to religion in general. I struggle with giving any attention to the churches or individuals who are so opposite everything in my heart. I struggle with posting this because I do not want to alienate people who are “iffy” on the issue. I don’t want to alienate anyone. Even if you are reading this and disagreeing with everything I am saying, I still don’t want to alienate you. I feel strong posts and feelings often push people in the opposite direction, and I don’t want that.
But I can’t keep “quiet” about this anymore. I may regret this tomorrow, because I may find a more graceful and less snarky way of saying what is on my heart. I know this post will come off angry and ranty and mean. But this is where I am today. Being more authentic, more messy, probably losing a few readers, and learning something about myself.
If you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t get one. If you don’t “agree” with the gay “lifestyle”, don’t “choose” it. I truly believe people are good and I know in my heart the tide is changing for the better. End rant.